wefeelgroove: (are you a tree)
[personal profile] wefeelgroove
SO I AM A CATALOGER NOW. That means I get to see just about everything that goes into every branch of the Henrico library. It is. a lot of stuff. Most of the new materials go through headquarters (where I am) with the exception of new paperback books, which are entered by people at the branches. And they usually do it wrong so we have to go in behind them and fix it anyway. :D Since I get to see nearly everything, my to-read list has grown exponentially by the day and I also see stuff that looked too hilarious not to share.

So here is a selection of book summaries I saw that were either really funny or made me go "whaaaat". Surprisingly or not most of these are paranormal romance mass-market paperbacks.


Dark desire /Christine Feehan.
The stranger silently summoned her from across the continents, across the seas. He whispered of eternal torment, of endless hunger...of dark, dangerous desires. And somehow American surgeon Shea O'Halloran could feel his anguish, sense his haunting aloneness, and she ached to heal him, to heal herself.


Oh man, I bet this guy totally isn't a vampire at all.

Dark nights /Christine Feehan.
When she encounters Traian, an immortal warrior, deep in the Carpathian Mountains, bodyguard Joie Sanders soon discovers that she needs his help to escape the mountains and fight enemy vampires.


OH MY GOD VAMPIRES IN ROMANCE NOVELS THAT NEVER HAPPENS

Deliver me from darkness /Tes Hilaire.
"A stranger in the night ... He had once been a warrior of the Light, one of the revered Paladin. A protector. But now he lives in darkness, and the shadows are his sanctuary. Every day is a struggle to overcome the bloodlust. Especially the day Karissa shows up at his doorstep. Comes knocking on the door ... She is light and bright and everything beautiful--despite her scratches and torn clothes. Every creature of the night is after her. So is every male Paladin. Because Karissa is the last female of their kind. But she is his. He may not have a soul, but he can't deny his heart"--Publisher.


BUT IS HE A VAMPIRE

Instant attraction /Jill Shalvis.
"Accountant Katie Kramer is a quintessential good girl - working hard, recycling diligently, all the while trying to ignore the feeling that she doesn't fit in anywhere. That's all she wants. Well, that - and amazing sex, and the kind of daredevil escapade she can look back on when she's crunching numbers in a dusty cubicle. Which explains why she just took a job in Wishful, California, working for Wilder Adventures and Expeditions. Waking up to find a magnificently built stranger towering over her bed - that part defies explanation"--from publisher.


I really hope the book starts with her waking up, screaming "THAT'S MY PURSE I DON'T KNOW YOU" and kicking him in the groin.

Instant gratification /Jill Shalvis.
Wishful, California, is 3000 miles from Dr. Emma Sinclair's last job in a New York City ER. Running her father's clinic for a summer, Emma treats bee stings, stomach flu, and the occasional pet cat. Then there's Stone WIlder: gorgeous laid-back, and irritating beyond belief. Emma loathes him. Almost as much as she wants to throw him on her examining table and break every doctor-patient rule in the book ... Paging Dr. Sinclair ... [from back cover].


Stone Wilder.

Instant temptation /Jill Shalvis.
Wilder is a professional guide, and the perfect package of breathtaking adventure and raw sex appeal. Even better, he's about to reconnect with the one woman he's never been able to forget. Harley's career is riding on this trip, and she's torn between throttling him and giving in to the raw attraction that's been smoldering all these years. He'll finally have a chance to prove himself-- over and over again...


Spoiler: they have sex.

Kiss of surrender: a deadly angels book /Sandra Hill.
It's not easy being a Vampire Angel. No one knows that better than Trond Sigurdsson. In the centuries since he last went out drinking and wenching with his Viking buds, Trond has been a gladiator, a cowboy, a ditch digger . . . even a sheik. But now he's the baddest of them all: a kick-ass Navy SEAL kicking butts of terrorist immortals with the help of his hotter-than-Hades female partner, police officer-turned-Special Forces operative Nicole Tasso--whom Trond dearly hopes to "partner" with very shortly in a whole different way. The "cop" part of Nicole tells her there's something bizarre about her gorgeous godlike teammate. But her "all-woman" side can't help wondering how great it would be to have a virile Viking in her bed. Trond has secrets galore, but Nicole feels certain she can dig them out--and really get to the heart of this powerful, unnerving stranger whom she may be risking her soul to love.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.





....HAHAHAHAHAHA.


The prince /Tiffany Reisz.
Two worlds of wealth and passion call to Nora Sutherlin. One is inhabited by Wes Railey, the object of Nora's tamest yet most maddening fantasies and the one man she can't forget. He's young. He's wonderful. He's also thoroughbred royalty and, reuniting with him in Kentucky, she's in his world now. But this infamous New York dominatrix is no simpering southern belle, and Nora's dream of fitting into Wesley's world is perpetually at odds with the relentlessly seductive pull of Soren -- her owner, her lover, the forever she cannot have. Meanwhile, Nora's associate Kingsley Edge is only too happy to take her place at Soren's feet during her hiatus. Soren is the only man Kingsley has ever loved, and their dark, shared history has forged a bond that neither they years -- nor Soren's love for Nora -- can break. But a new threat from an old adversary is forcing Kingsley to confront the past, reminding him that he must keep his friends close, and his enemies closer.


I must have read this ten times and I still have no idea what's supposed to be going on in this book. I mean, aside from "lots of sex" obviously.

Against the odds /Kat Martin.
There's silver out there. Sabrina Eckhart is sure of it. And when she finds the hidden mine on that big piece of West Texas desert, all of her financial problems are solved. That is, if she can find it. The man with the skills she needs is private investigator Alex Justice-a former navy fighter pilot and a current pain in the neck. When mysterious "accidents" start to plague their search, it seems Rina's multi-acre inheritance might be more a curse than a blessing. And yet, there's still something sensual about the heat...his arrogance...her stubbornness...being thrust into each other's arms by danger. But the vultures are circling, and if they don't watch their backs, the relentless desert sun could be the last thing Rina and Alex ever see


Life-threatening situations are such a turn-on you guys.

Claimed by the Highlander /Julianne MacLean.
With his tawny mane, battle-hewn brawn, and ferocious roar, Angus 'The Lion' MacDonald is the most fearsome warrior Lady Gwendolen has ever seen--and she is his most glorious conquest. Captured in a surprise attack on her father's castle, Gwendolen is now forced to share her bed with the man who defeated her clan. But, in spite of Angus's overpowering charms, she refuses to surrender her innocence without a fight...


I had no idea there were so many bodice rippers about vikings until I started this job. Now I know... but at what cost?

Quinn's woman / Susan Mallery
D. J. Monroe had to be at the very top of her game. It was her job and her life to teach people how to defend themselves. How could she protect others if she wasn't the best trained, the most skilled fighter? How could she protect herself? So when military expert Quinn Reynolds defeated her, she vowed to give him whatever he wanted in exchange for his instruction. And yet he wanted the one thing D.J. wasn't prepared to give-herself. He asked too many questions. Made her feel too much. He recognized too many of her defenses. Then one by one, he broke them all down-and promised to be there to pick up the pieces


.........


THERE YOU HAVE IT. I'll try to dig up some particularly silly western and manga/comic summaries next time!
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